non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize