i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
