Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
