why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
