Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
