You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize