Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
