one two three fourrrrnication!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
