I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My penis needs a shock collar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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