Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can I color on your dick again?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
