Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
