found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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