I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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