I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
