I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
