We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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