she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
