i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
