I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
