Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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