..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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