i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
