i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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