using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
