grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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