Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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