she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
