I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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