"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
