We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
