girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
