Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
