It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
