Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
