Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
