i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
