either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
