if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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