The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
