sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my shit smells like andre
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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