dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
