There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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