after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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