The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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