SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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