is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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