Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
