I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
