Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
