Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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