we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize