Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
