My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
