How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize