Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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