the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
