so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
