he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
