my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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