I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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