He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
