yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My feet surprised me
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