I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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