I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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