After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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