He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
