Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
